I miss him,
I know I will see him sooner than I expect. Maybe tomorrow, but I miss him already and I know he won’t be here long but I wish I could be with him, right now at 3:00 AM, to give anything to talk to him or make him laugh, or let him make me laugh like he always does. I have never felt this way, to have such hunger for someone this way or to wish I knew them or be able to caress them as much as wish I could with him. I miss when he was new and didn’t know much, but the way he smiled and lit up everything and everyone around us. How shy he was, but how quickly he stood up to the things he loved. The way he tried to talk to me and I couldn’t hide my attraction towards him because I didn’t want to be obvious and I left, but I remember how sweet he was, he is, the flirty comments and comebacks the signs. How funny he still is and how much I have realized that he indeed is beautiful, that to me he is gorgeous, ravishing. I miss his careless and when he tried to dance. The awkwardness and how he later became comfortable and always tried to talk to me. The touching, the jokes, the arguments and when he grasped my hands in between his, because to me he was only trying to get closer, too close but for the first time all this touching didn’t bother me when it came from a boy. Because it was him, and I liked the way it felt, I still do.
I loved when he joked about everything and made funny remarks, his excitement over the wins and his competitiveness. When he wasn’t as much of a well known person,when my friend didn’t try to set him up with a prettier girl. Now I’m confused and I really don’t want to know why I feel like this, because when he gets closer now, it hurts. Is he a friend? Or more? I wish he was more and I don’t know if he does too. Because I’m confused and lost and I can’t go back to being cold and sarcastic because I already care too much. Mother says I love him, and I tell her I can’t because I don’t know him as much as I should “maybe that’s enough” she said and maybe she’s right. But I will be a wreck when he leaves and I will hate myself if I don’t tell him, because I most likely will not tell him, and maybe I already fell in love with him.